He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
