call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
