Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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