actually, I'm a sock model
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
