i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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