I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
