Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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