I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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