first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
