i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
