I wish I only lived at night.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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