So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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