my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
