the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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