youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
