Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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