i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
