Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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