You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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