I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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