You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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