I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
third nipple confirmed
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
