She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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