just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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