i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
