last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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