Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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