Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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