Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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