If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
