I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
