I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
