At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
