he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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