dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
