i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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