she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
