im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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