my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
