He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
