ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
