Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
