my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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