This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize