She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
