my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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