I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I party with great urgency now.
dude. I can hear the air.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
