If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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