you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
