Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
