We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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