sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
