i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize