I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
