I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
