There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
