dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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