So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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