fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
