First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
