i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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