chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
