My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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