1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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