Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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